Last night I parked my brand new car in the driveway and noticed three deep scratches on the front right fender.  I couldn’t believe it.   Just earlier that day a friend pointed out the scrapes on my rims from parking at the curb.  This was in addition to a mysterious ding on the top of the rear left fender that another well-intentioned friend pointed out the day before.  I know eventually you’re going to get some dings in your new car, but all this? My car is only six-months-old.  Ugh.  Miraculously, I was able to catch myself before I went into a tailspin.  I nudged myself to look on the bright side by pointing out that overall none of these blemishes are that noticeable.  And thanks to the dark grey metallic color of the paint no one will even see these few scratches.  But just to make myself feel like I did something to remedy the situation, I rubbed some Armor-all on the wounds.  After that I went inside and was proud of myself at how well I was able to let it go.  "I'm really making progress." I thought.

Then I woke up the next morning and thoughts of what an irresponsible new car owner I am began to hammer away at me.  As I walked into the kitchen I noticed a real estate newsletter from a local realtor on the table.  The title at the top of the page caught my eye, “The Mayonnaise Jar and a Couple of Beers.”  Normally, I’d disregard this as useless junk mail and toss it in the trash - no matter how cute the title.  But for some strange reason I felt compelled to stop and read it before I headed out the door to work.  And I am so glad I did.  This simple reading transformed my thinking.  I began to feel very happy as I contemplated it’s meaning.  When I finished I felt like I just received encouraging words and a loving hug from grandma before I headed out to school. 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your  spouse out to dinner.  Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter.  Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

The Beer just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend."

The more I think about this the more incredible the arrival of this "junk mail" becomes.  I mean, this George Chung Realtors newsletter was delivered precisely on the perfect day, a day sooner and it would have already been in the trash, a day later and it would have been irrelevant.  Then it was left on the kitchen table unintentionally by my wife at night so when I woke up it to get my coffee it would be unavoidable.  To top it all off the page with this parable was the side facing up with a title God knew I couldn’t resist.  It just goes to show you that we really do get everything we need right when we need it and it usually comes in the most unexpected and miraculous way. 

For years I've believed trans-formative power of smiling.  Finally I have the proof thanks to Mark Stibich, PhD.  Here are his findings:

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness.

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

Last Saturday night during the bout between the ACDG Hollywood Scarlets and the SCDG Boardwalk Bombshells, I realized roller derby is like no other sporting event I have ever been too.  For example, whenever I’ve attended any sporting event where one of the teams takes a significant lead over the other I lose interest.  The competitive excitement is gone.  I join my friends, along with the droves of other fans, and leave the stadium early.  Not so with roller derby, the bout between the ACDG Hollywood Scarlets and the SCDG Boardwalk Bombshells was a nail-biter til the end.  Even though the Scarlets’ had a whopping 157 - 60 lead we were on the edge of our seats. 

Linda Pena, the fan sitting next to me who attends every home bout with her son Ethan turned to me, smiled, and said, “You do the same thing I do - hold your hands up in front of your mouth.” 

“I know, it’s so intense, I can’t believe it’s this intense even though the Scarlets are so far ahead.”  I responded.

Unlike all the other team sports roller derby doesn't lose it's competitive intensity no matter how far of a lead.  What made this bout so intense was what makes these athletes so admirable: good sportsmanship.  They kept their fighting team spirit alive whether they were on top or clawing their way up from under.  Throughout the bout the Scarlets didn’t let their lead go to their heads; they kept hammering away.  They had too.  They knew they were up against a formidable foe.  Likewise the Bombshells would not give up and their spirit was never broken.  I am sure I wasn’t the only fan praying the Scarlets would not get complacent and rest on their laurels.  The concern was that if they did it was quite possible the Bombshells would rip them to shreds. 

The Bombshell’s Maiden Hades #5150 and Inflict Her Pain #29 were a dynamic duo to be reckoned with.  Intimidating, they would skate backwards blocking the Scarlets’ jammers face to face.  Something I’ve never seen in a bout up until now.  They may have been the opposing team but they earned the audience’s respect by their determination and commitment to winning right up until the end in spite of the 157 – 60 lead the Scarlets had on them. 

This bout made it obvious as to what makes makes roller derby standout from other professional sports in recent years.  No it's not the gorgeous girls in cute shorts, wearing fishnet stockings, on roller skates engaged in a contact sport.  Nor is it the opportunity to vicariously release your superhero alter-ego, as these ladies do by donning their roller derby names.  What makes them stand out is the fact that these athletes demonstrate that roller derby is quite possibly one of the last remaining team sports where true sportsmanship can still be admired.  Their demonstration of virtues such as fairness, self-control, courage, persistence, and respect for rules of the game and their opponents is a throw back to the good old days of Baseball legends like gentleman Joe DiMaggio.  Who would believe these tattooed, fishnet wearing bombshells would be today's athletic heroes?  They fight with honor and dignity while in the arena  - giving us all something to root for and aspire to.

Next bout is this Saturday, October 15th, doors open at 7pm / bout at 8pm, Veteran’s Memorial Auditorium, 4117 Overland Avenue, Culver City, CA 90230. Tickets $14  www.AngelCityDerbyGirls.com

By the way, there is one more thing unique about roller derby that you may find interesting: they don’t wear "uniforms." 
They wear “bout-fits.”  True, that’s what they’re called. 

*Click here to read an edited version of this story that appeared in the Culver City News, Thursday, August 18, 2011 and October 6th, 2011.

Enjoy video from the bout and a quickie - on the basics of flat track roller derby.

A good friend of mine is very outgoing and friendly.  The other day he confided to me that in spite of all appearances he is an isolator.  He explained that’s why he was unavailable the other week.  He was ignoring calls until it was absolutely necessary to return them.  I laughed.  “I do the same thing too!”

I went on to explain that more often than not I feel compelled to do the same.  That I have to nudge myself to “answer the call.”  In those crucial moments of deciding whether I should or shouldn’t hit the "ignore" button I remind myself that by avoiding this call I’m refusing to accept God's wonderful will for me.  I affirm that Divine Order is in effect and everyone (and every call) is a link to my greater good.  As I do this my perspective elevates from fear and avoidance to faith and enthusiasm.  My mood is transformed from dread to curiosity.  I think to myself, "I wonder what incredible surprise God has in store for me now?"   Each and every time I do this I am blown away by the results.  I am never disappointed and usually amazed at the opportunity I almost missed had I pressed "ignore" instead of "accept."  By answering the call I am saying, “yes” to more good in my life.

I’ve also come to the humiliating conclusion that isolating is like trying to hide from all your friends at a pool party by sitting at the bottom of the pool holding your breath.  All your friends know you’re there and they’re wondering what the hell is going on with you.  That’s when a twisted sense of satisfaction and power seems to grow inside you, but there’s a problem with your little game, eventually you have to come up again for air in order to live.  Fortunately, in spite of this immature behavior good friends always welcome us back to the party, “Thank God, we were wondering when you were going to resurface.” 

All this makes you wonder what the hell we were avoiding in the first place, doesn’t it?

A postcard from my friend Kirk to remind me of all that life has to offer, absolutely free!

Have you ever heard of the fable of the porcupine?  Neither had I, until today.  The friend who passed it along to me said, "The parable is worth sharing.  But have you ever seen a baby porcupine?  I would pass it along just for these."  I agree.

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.  The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm.  This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one
wounded their closest companions.  After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.  So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or
disappear from the Earth.  Wisely, they decided to go back to being together.  They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others.  This way they were able to survive. 

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

Next time you find yourself getting frustrated with someone remind yourself of these pictures of this baby porcupine and how adorable he is, just like you and me, in spite of the pricks.

An excuse is a lie you tell yourself in order to prevent you from doing what you'd really love to be doing.  Even though most of us will agree with this definition it's still hard not to believe excuses when they pop into our heads. And they tend to pop up the moment we get the inspiration to take a step toward our heart's desire.  Unfortunately, this is usually where we go from "This is going to be great!" to "What's the use?" in a fraction of a second.  Excuses keep us operating at a level far below what we are capable which in turn lowers our self esteem and this generates even more excuses. 

The only antidote to these excuses is to nip them off at the bud by taking the inspired action in spite of the excuse.  Taking even the smallest step forward seems to extinguish the excuse on the spot.  Doing whatever you can with what you have available activates a feeling of confidence and enthusiasm.  This positive action also affirms your heart's desire as a reality deep in your subconscious which in turn makes you magnetic to your greater good.

But how do you shut these excuses up if they pop back up or new ones crop up?  By reminding yourself of the truth.  The truth is; by choosing to buy into excuses we are choosing fear over our dreams.  That being said, here are five (5) ideas, slogans and/or quotes that I use to assassinate my excuses:

1). "Take one small step toward your heart's desire and the Universe brings it 1,000 steps closer to you."

2). "Anything worth doing is worth doing doing poorly." -attributed to Pablo Picasso

3). "You already have everything you need to do what you'd like to do right where you are today."

4). "Use what you got to create what you want."

5). "Don't wait for the perfect time to start.  Starting is the perfect time to start."

*When ordering drip always go for the to-go cup with lid, unless you prefer sipping lukewarm coffee from a cold porcelain cup. Blech!